The struggle between work and art

i work a lot. i don't have set hours. i work in the day, in the evening and on the weekends. it is "flexible" i travel for work. i fly to CA or FL or where ever else they send me. i feel as if i barely have time to breath let alone set aside time to be an artist. I work 2 "flexible" jobs. so i can audition when i want. as long as i book the audition a week in advance. i intern at the PIT every wed night from 6-10 for discount classes, i take classes. i get together with other actors and improvisers to practice and perform weekly. i have an apartment that needs cleaning and laundry to do. i have a husband that misses me who only sees me on the weekends and even then i leave him every weekend to go audition or take a class or work one extra shift. i have family that think i should be home more often and say i don't love my nephews or nieces enough. i have a sick mother who is angry at me for not taking care of her. i sleep a dead sleep at night from pure exhaustion and if for some reason i am not truly exhausted i toss and turn because i have no idea how to manage all the "have to do"s with all of my "want to do"s... i feel as if i barely have time to breath let alone set aside time to be an artist. it is the most difficult tug of war i have ever encountered.

I am having a hard time staying focused on my art. art seems to be the first thing to fade, i am always tired, so i will skip that audition, cause i can't skip work or hey i want to see that play but cant afford it so i will pay my credit card bill.

How can I balance my have to's and want to's? How can I be an artist and successfully balance being a woman, a lover, a wife, a partner, an individual and all the while pay the rent, my bills, and all the rest?

When I first moved to NYC I used to mock people that would say " I am an actor" and when I asked them what they have done or what they are doing they would say " well, i work too much so I haven't done anything in ____years" I'd smile to myself and think "you are not an actor".

But look at me now?! I still have things I am doing but really when was the last time I answered proudly with out hesitation "I am an actor". I usually say I work in event planning and act on the side...on the side? that has got to stop!

I need to learn how to say "no"...no i can't cover that shift. no i can't fly to CA this week and FL the next. "no" i can't help you. "no" i can't come home this weekend.

I need to learn how to say "yes" to the important stuff-"yes" to the audition. "yes" to the class. "yes" i would love to go out on a date with my husband, "yes" to seeing the play. "yes" i am an artist.

My First step:
Q:"what do you do?"
A: "i'm an artist" ; "i'm an actor"